So
there I was, with such a beautiful face but embedded with such pain in the
eyes. She finally had broken out to share her problem. It was Tushar, her
boyfriend, the guy she was living with currently, and the guy whom she was
incredibly in love with.
"It's
Tushar," she started. "But not him exactly either, it's actually our
relationship. It's changing rapidly and as a consequence, it is making Tushar a
completely different person from whom he was when I fell in love with
him."
I
love it when girls trust me with their problems and come to share it. I'm a
rookie in relationships but just because I think it will lighten up a little
burden from over their shoulders, I try my best to listen up. I might not have
the best solutions to the relationship problems, but it's them who say that I'm
a good listener. So I continue to do my best and learn from others mistakes,
just in case I don't get any experiences to learn first hand. It helps us both.
Personally, as you all know, I have just had some flings till now. The problem
is, if I like them, they don't like me. And if they like me, I don't like them.
It's a deep void and the only times that I find the void can be filled with
someone, that someone always belongs to someone else. It's an endless
recursion.
I'd
known this girl since years and I really care about her. And it killed me
watching her eyes start to turn red, as she continued.
"Truth
is, I wanna marry Tushar. I love him more than anything else in the world. But
the chemistry we had, has lost on us. I don't know how to revive that charm. He
loves me too and all we both want is to be with each other the whole life, but
the spark has blown away with the wind."
A
tiny tear slyly made its way out of her left eye and it made me furious. It's
always the most beautiful girls that face relationship problems. Mostly it's
because they are stupid enough to always fall for the wrong guys who take
advantages. But this time, it wasn't the guy that was the problem, it seemed. I
couldn't resist the itch to rub off that evil tear that was trying to ruin the grace of her face. I picked that tear with
a finger and tossed it away. I gave her some time to relax and told her to
explain what had happened, and I prayed to God to make me capable to finding a
solution to that misery. Meanwhile, she gasped a few times, took a deep breath,
and continued.
"You
remember the adventures we used to tell you, the fun we had? Everytime we met,
I had so many stories to tell you about us. This time, I'm meeting you after 6
months and I don't have anything to share that's that interesting. Life has
turned very static. He's busy with his job, I'm with mine. The only holidays we
get are the weekends, when we are too tired and lazy to get out of the bed. At
that time, it feels good to relax, but when I look from a farther point of view
of what my life has become, I feel disappointed that even I turned into a part
of those typical couples that spend their lives like ants. Remember we used to
be so disgusted by those thoughts and our entire group had promised that we
would never let go of our 'creative keedas' and live life in an oriented
way. All those talks have faded away, all those thoughts have lost now. And no
matter even if we decide that next weekend, we'll plan something, I know that
when it comes, even I'll feel like postponing it. And then, later, I'll
look back at the entire month and feel depressed again. Life is fleeting away,
day by day, month by month, year after year, and I couldn't realize it. I see
this relationship going nowhere. I see it dying out in front of my eyes due to
lack of excitement. He isn't romantic anymore, we don't even enjoy the sex like
we used to. He isn't excited about anything anymore. He has grown tired of my
constant bickering about one thing or the other and I feel like I'm becoming of
lesser and lesser importance in his life. He has started to take me for
granted, and it's not his fault. There's no thrill left in this relationship
anymore. I wanna marry him but now, the reason for doing that has changed to
I'm too exhausted to find another guy and start it all from scratch."
"Listen,
sweet heart, it's just a phase every relationship goes through, even marriages.
You don't expect your partner to be just as romantic 3 years into your marriage
as he was when you first met? You're having these thoughts because you still
have an option to marry him or not. This is because you opted to try out a
live-in relationship before you married the guy. Fair enough. You needed to
know how the guy lives life, or rather, how he is going to live life with you.
That was a good and bold step. But what happened in the course was, you skipped
a step. The things people experience after marriage, you got to experience them
before it and now you have an option whether to go for it. Most people
experience this after 2 or 3 years of marriage, but by that time, their
priorities for each other are changed. So when that feeling comes, it's already
time for having kids. So this phase doesn't last, it gets covered up quickly by
the next step. After that, it's their education, family times. Right now, you
cannot think of kids, but your relationship has reached that stage when a next
stage is required, an intermediate stage."
"So,
what do you suggest?"
I
had no idea what I was saying or what I should. I was just going with the flow,
but a direct question like that made me fumble. I am a little grey in such
areas. The longest relationship I've had was with Neha that lasted for a year
and a half. Apart from that, I've always been involved in mere affairs of some
sort, never found anything serious worth lasting that long. So I didn’t know
what to say. I couldn’t possibly tell her what to do.
“I
cannot suggest anything. I’m merely helping you to find out the problem. I don’t
think I can, on my own, offer a solution for such. I’ll need to share this with
some of my experienced friends before I tell you anything.”
“But
do you think this is over then? Now that we have lost the spice in the
relationship, do you see any way of us staying happy?”
“How
about a long holiday trip somewhere? It might help you two jog up the memories,
and freshen up.”
“I
don’t feel like eloping with him right now. Not in the mood.”
“Well,
then atleast you go out. You need a break, that’s what you need! You know what
they say, unlike poles attract each other. But with so much time together,
people start turning similar. As a part of compromising to stay with each
other, people start adapting some of the habits of the partner. The poles start
turning alike and that’s when the attraction wears off. And the more you stay
together for long without any reason, the lesser attraction you feel. The
things that seemed cute and caring in the beginning start to feel irritating.
At one point, the attraction finally jumps to repelling each other and people
start hating each other. That is why, you need to constantly take breaks from
each other so as to keep the spark alive. That’s what friends are for! You need
to go out frequently on outings with friends, with no Tushar! You need to have
some space that is not accessible to him. You need to have some free memories.
You’ve locked yourself to him for too long. I’ll tell you what, now that you’re
here, extend your stay to a few days more. I’ll call up the group and plan
something for you.”
“I
don’t think I’ll get any leaves-”
“You
just said we promised our lives wouldn’t revolve around work! I work in an IT
company too, okay? I know you can take unplanned leaves during the emergencies.
Kill an uncle, that’s what uncles are for!”
She
laughed.
Finally.
I sighed. I had been holding my breath ever since our talking began, and just
now I realized it. I exhaled and felt my heart had been pacing faster all that
time. And as I looked at her and blinked, I felt that I hadn’t blinked since
some minutes either. Now that there was an opening, I jumped in, “It’s done
then. We’ll meet up on Christmas then, the 25th. No excuses, you’re
gonna do exactly whatever I tell you to do.”
She
had a smile on her face which just turned wicked as she looked at me, “whatever?”
And
there was the friend that had been missing all morning!
“Whatever,”
I stressed.
“But
you said you have promised not to have sex with anyone, right?”
I
hate the people who read my blogs. They always invade the private stuff they
learn from my incidents to use it to their advantage.
We
shared a few laughs and then got up to leave.
“But
you still haven’t answered my question? Should I marry him or not?”
“Why
don’t you give it some time to think about? I’ve got married friends, and even
they bitch a lot about their husbands. Some of them are even having mild
affairs to keep the relationship alive. Now that’s a different theory they
have, and quite a working one too. But that’s not a story for you.” We laughed
as I hugged her good bye.
“Let’s
see how you feel about Tushar after this vacation,” I continued. “And then, we’ll
figure it out. Till then, you complete your work in town while I’ll get some
tips from the people who actually know stuff. I’ll call you.”
She
pulled my cheek and said, “you’re a lovely guy. Some girl is gonna be lucky to
have ya!”
I
hate when people say that. (Stagnant stare)
“Damn
sure she will be!” I retorted. “I’m not gonna let the spark go for a decade!
You know that.” I winked.
“I
know,” she stared deep suddenly and replied. “Good bye.”
I
waved her and watched her leave…
