Shreya had always been the shy types, atleast as
far as being with guys is concerned, except for us few who were close to her.
For me, this has been happening a lot lately (sad smiley), it's making me feel
gay because why do girls trust me so much! Can't they see me as a guy who might
take advantage?? Just for a little bit?? Man, it's like an insult sometimes.
Talk about insult, wait till you complete reading this! So what happened till
now is...
Pr-requisite: Shreya was in the final year of
engineering and had some God-knows-what project work. Her parents had gone to a
cousin's wedding or something, and her place was free for a night-out. The
project work was something urgent, apparently, and she needed assistance of
a fellow classmate to complete the project. But the guy she had invited over
wasn't that trustworthy according to her. The project work was going to extend
till around late night. So she had a bit concern as to how those two would stay
up so late with no one in the house. And thus came yours truly, to the rescue!
I was told that the guy would spend the night at
her house and so she asked me to give company for the night. She has been one
of the greatest friends of mine since years. There are, like, no secrets I
haven't shared with her, even the most embarrassing ones. We trusted and knew
each other so much that we'd even spent a night out like this, just the two of
us, and we'd spent the entire night just talking. Not that she wasn't
good-looking, but we got a better friendship chemistry rather than jump off to
sex. Being a guy and having to say this sucks, but sometimes, there really is
something worth preserving rather than having sex. ... ... ... No, I'm not gay!
So, here I am, at her place, in my shorts, lying
under the sheets, on her sofa, watching television, meanwhile they are doing
some business in her room on the laptop. Nerds. Anyways, this went on for a
while and after a few hours, the guy came out, all ready to leave. I was
surprised.
"Mujhe laga tu raatko idhar hi hai?" I
asked. (I thought you're gonna spend the night?)
He denied and started wearing shoes. I sat up and
looked for Shreya. The guy opened the door and Shreya came out. I signaled her
about what my whereabouts are going to be. She casually waved me, gesticulating
me to go to sleep. It's not like it's the first time I'm spending the night at
a girl's place. You see, people trust me. (God, damn it!) I ignored the
uncomfortable thoughts and went back under the sheets. She came back out with a
glass of milk and sat on the sofa, pushing me a little to the side.
"Doodh? Suhaag raat manaani hai kya?"
(Milk? Isn't this done on the first night after marriage?)
She laughed. "It's for me," she said.
I returned to the movie. The Ring was on.
After she drank the milk, she went in and brought some sheets for her too. I
asked her if she wanted me to sleep on the ground. "Offo! It's okay!"
she replied.
I shifted a bit to give her space. It was a huge
sofa, almost a sofa-cum-bed. She occupied the other half. We chatted
continuously during the ads and went back to seriously watching the movie
everytime. It was funny. I never realized when she had shifted towards my side.
If it were the 10th standard, I'd have her kicked away, yelling, "it's my
side, bitch!" But I was a grown-up now. Grown-ups have many drawbacks.
They like adrenaline rushes, and more than that fluid rushing, they like the
testosterone and estrogen pumping. The male hormones took over me and I did not
repel her away. Around the end of the movie, we were sleeping on the bed like a
couple, in a cuddle. I was unconsciously participating in the cuddling. Well,
it could have been worse, we could have been spooning. And cuddling is just a
part of affection, it's not sexual. The thing is, her boyfriend had been away
since 3 months now, and I knew she was missing him and this was just a way to
feel warm again. She wouldn't do anything, I figured. She just needs a tight
hug and a sense of care. I made sure my cuddling did not flew my hands anywhere
near her personal areas. (! Wouldn't wanna get the situation more awkward.) I
had gotten too conscious by then. Her boyfriend = my good friend. I wouldn't
ditch the poor guy. And more importantly, I wouldn't spoil my friendship with
Shreya by doing something we both would regret in the morning.
And then, she took my hand and she herself made its way towards inside her T-shirt. I'm a guy! Come on! I closed my eyes, my
hands had gone numb. But the flashes of the future consequences flashed before my eyes, before my hands did anything from my side. Our friendship was a big thing to be risked. I knew she doesn't trust that much on many people and if I gave in for this opportunity tonight, she would be devastated emotionally later. And then, I suddenly had
the flashback of the promise! Remember? The one I made to my Godfather?
In case you forgot or are new here, you gotta
read this first! You know the password, I suppose!
http://ooh-yea.blogspot.in/2011/09/no-more-sex-after-this-day-<password>.html
So, welcome back, freshers. Let's continue with
the story here.
I suddenly came back to my senses and stopped my
hand with all my will. And believe me, it required an awful lot of it to stop!
Then suddenly, I started feeling her hand on my pants near my junk. I freaked
out. I jumped out of the bed , screaming, "Flugelhorn!"
PAUSE!
I suppose you're confused? Okay, let me explain.
Our group had been a big fan of the show How I Met Your Mother, and we
adopt a lot of things from that TV series. Remember when things started getting
a little out of hand when Barney and Robin were dating. That term - Flugelhorn
- was used to establish a boundary. It was just a one-liner used as a joke
in the first episode of season 5. Ever since then, we used that word to limit
ourselves, to tell each other when they are crossing the line. This right here,
was that crossing for me. She had been dating my good friend and I could not do
this, even though it was understandable that she had been lonely since many
months and was vulnerable right now. Now, if I had not known the guy so much,
I'd have considered the possibility of doing something and then we would never
ever be talking about it again. But I presumed that's what the cuddling was
about. I had hoped that, that would be it and a guy staying such night over is
also something to be hidden. You see, this fucking society always jumps to
thinking that even if a guy and girl are together in a room for 5 minutes, they
are probably nailing each other. And don't the guys wish it were true? (Lol)
But it mostly ain't. And for the first time in my life, it was turning true. I
had heard such stories from my friends a lot of times but never believed them
so much. You always believe the unbelievable stuff you hear only after it
happens to you. So here I was in every guy's fantasy, but the promise I'd made
could not be broken. Motherfucker, Godfather! I would never have gotten such an
easy chance at sex, when it would be good for both of us. But well, I had to
control my mind to keep my word. I can't believe I didn't go for it.
UNPAUSE!
So, I got up and then we talked a bit. I
explained her how bad an idea it would be if we continued. I told her I could
still stay with her and sleep together, but I just could not have sex. By now,
she had gotten back to her senses too. I could see the guilt and shame in her
eyes. I sat back and she began crying on my shoulder. I just went rubbery and
almost felt a tear myself. My heart beats were running on a million
horse-powers. But outside, I was calm like the ocean. We talked for a bit and
then I told her it would be better that I left. I promised her that I'll never
talk about this to anyone, not even my best and closest friend. I also warned
her not to make a confession for this, not to God, and definitely not to
Pravin. She agreed and that was the end of it.
That was the end of what could have been my night
of a lifetime. But I feel proud to have kept my word. Until now, I never
trusted myself that I wouldn't get carried away by emotions. But now, I know
that I'm in full control. I'm still waiting for the reason why I had to make
that promise, but it made me feel good for being the stronger one. Before that
night, though I would not show, I always would feel a bit uncomfortable and
conscious about hanging out with a girl alone in a house. But now, I know for
sure that I can protect her from myself. I had successfully completed my Touch
Consciousness (TC) test for good!
Next morning, she messaged me that she was sorry
to have had put me through it. And I was just glad that it was me she trusted
for the job and I did the right thing. I was glad she didn't choose the wrong
person, because no one, absolutely no guy, would have left that chance, and I
still kick myself on my ass (though not possible, but I try hard), as a
punishment for being that nice guy. Now, I think I'm pretty confident that I
would do everything before marriage and still manage to keep the missile out of
the caves.
The next day, after that message, I replied back
that there was nothing to feel guilty about. It happens! People say, shit
happens, but that wasn't shit. I know many people would judge her from this,
but people are stupid. All people are waiting for, is for the girl to so much
as even look at a guy in a flirty manner, so that they can call her a whore.
These villagers would never understand the emotions of that need. For them, sex
will always be just a dirty thing that should not even be talked about.
Seriously, I look at those old people and my heart calls out to them yelling,
"grow up!"
Even after that incident, me and Shreya
maintained our friendship and if anything, it has grown stronger. And I know
that now that the sex thing is confirmed to be out of the way of both of us,
the friendship will keep developing the blossoms. And in our hearts, we will
never forget that night till we die, and it would be just our little secret for
lifetime. (Smile)
